I only kidnapped one of them. chill
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
