Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
