trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard