Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
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My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"