I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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