I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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