hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i was born a porn star she said
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sext me about skeletons
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
