can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
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There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.