I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
