I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"