I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
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We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow