wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
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The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
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Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?