I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.