When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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