can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.