I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson