My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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