3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
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