yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
