she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
