I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
