but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
