Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
