i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
