I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
