So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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