Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
