wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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