I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
