He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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