I'm so fucking centered right now
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
