I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
