After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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