I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Found your dick twin last night
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When are your genitals available?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
