when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
