I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
