Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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