listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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