i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
