A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
then he tried to convert me to islam
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
