i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have fence marks all over my body
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
