Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
