Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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