he referred to my room as the tit cave...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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