I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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