I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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