hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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