what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I think your dad took our porno
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
