I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
