dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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