did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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