I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
