thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
