Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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