Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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