dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
