I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
