You just made me feel so damn special
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
