just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
