Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
