i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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