she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
