Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
