Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
