also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
