My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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