i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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