i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
