so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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