lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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