I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
