apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
