I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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