God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
