I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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