I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
