you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
last night I used snow as a chaser
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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