Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
