So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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