My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
