The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
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