All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
