Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
